Car owners' ongoing war with dogs that have hyperactive bladders will soon be over, at least for future Bayerische Motoren Werke drivers. Bright minds from BMW have announced the first details of their new Canine Repellent Alloy Protection system. Designed to stop dogs fouling against the sparkling alloys of new BMW cars, the innovative Canine Repellent Alloy Protection system is the latest offering in the BMW EfficientDynamics programme. Using the EfficientDynamics Brake Energy Regeneration system, energy that would normally have been lost during engine overrun and during braking is harnessed as Rim Impulse Power and stored for future use. Whenever a dog tries to relieve itself on the wheel of a BMW equipped with the system, a small and relatively painless electric shock is immediately administered to the animal (well, to his ding-dong actually), thus deterring it from future fouling.

Dr Hans Zoff, Head of Automotive Security from BMW AG, said: "Research shows that most BMW customers like to keep their cars clean and dog fouling is a constant irritant. Not only does the Canine Repellent Alloy Protection system support this aim, but it does so using energy created through the EfficientDynamics programme. Beauty through engineering perfection - our philosophy in a wheel nut." We can only express sympathy (not empathy) for the poor canines that are going to confuse BMW wheels with fire hydrants or trees. For some reason, receiving an electric shock through a dog's willy doesn't exactly strike us as a reasonable way for someone to protect his precious alloy BMW dubs, but we'll just let whatever floats the Bavarians' boat.

BMW says that the Canine Repellent Alloy Protection system (ahem, we're guessing the acronym is pretty obvious by now) has been tried and tested in secrecy along with the EfficientDynamics technology programme, which will soon appear on several of their models not very far into the future. The EfficientDynamics works on the basis of harnessing all the energy that is usually expendable in a normal car. For example, in stop & go traffic and acceleration normal cars consume a lot of fuel even with the most efficient combustion engine. By integrating an electric motor (yes, more electricity, bwahahaha!) between the combustion engine and the transmission, BMW engineers have managed to lower the fuel consumption while increasing the power output (hence the weird name for the technology). The kinetic energy usually transformed into useless heat during braking is also harnessed and put to good use (stuff like helping propel the car and/or electrocuting dog wieners). Happy April Fools Day everybody!