I'm sure to all of you this doesn't come as a surprise, but after reading the interview one of her former bodyguards gave to News of the World, man, lemme tell you, you think you know? You have no idea! Homegirl got MAJOR issues and I'm not just talking about lipsynching and giving crappy performances on stage, I'm talking full-on, harcore, drug addict issues that, coupled with her rockstar antics, could lead to a lot more drama than a career meltdown. Here is the scoop.

Britney got trashed by one of her former bodyguards, Tony Baretto, according to whom, she is in no condition to care for her children. Of course this means that Brit may have lost her edge in the custody battle, but that's not even half of it. Appart from giving very disturbing accounts about her way around the children, Tony also gave us some more reasons to laugh and mock the former Mickey Mouse clubber (God, those days seem so far away!). For instance (and this one totally cracked me up) did you know that Britney talks in her own made up language around the house? No? Well, you should have seen it coming, and I bet she also has an imaginary friend named Justin.

Oh, and she also has hygiene problems. I'm sure you all wondered about those nasty, greasy extensions she used to parade around town, but it seems that Britney not only has a loud singing voice but a loud singing stomach too. Brit's stomach, just like its owner, craves attention and speaks loudly at the most inopportune moments, causing Brit to fart or burp (again, loudly!). I don't care how sexy and talented you are, the moment you fart and burp on our first date, I'm heading for the hills. And this goes on while she asks her bodyguards to always be fresh and clean (no smelly pits should come between that divine smell of her entrails).

We all know she drinks and drives (just like 99% of the stars out there today) but did you know that she drinks WHILE driving? Yup, Brit likes nothing more than sipping on some cold Jack & Coke while on the road to get her focused on the wheel. It's amazing how she didn't get into a serious accident yet, especially since Tony describes some very hairy scenes, with her speeding on the wrong side of the road.

Drugs had to be the next big thing in her life. Rehab, friends, counseling and common sense couldn't prevent her from OD-ing a couple of times and even in front of her kids, Brit would be high and/or drunk which is, needless to say, "good parenting". Tony says that she would constantly ask for Jack & Coke but that they would fill her glass with juice and add a dash of liquor at the end to make it more like the real deal.

Tony goes on with some very serious problems that aren't even funny, but the bottom line is that Britney turned up to be the train wreck I always thought her to be. I would love to see what that die hard Britney fan Chris Crocker makes of this. Let us see what kind of explanations he will give now for her erratic behavior. The ball's in your court, Chris, time to make a move kid, Brit could sure use your support right about now.